Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Crazy Purse Lady in Reverse IN ACTION!
I wish I had video of this. If I did, the soundtrack would be the theme song to Benny Hill.
Picture this. Group of 8 out at their favorite Mexican joint in Shoreline. Beers and margaritas are ordered. I get my now signature sipping tequila (Corralejo this time around).
I order the Shrimp Salad. I tell the waiter to hold the tomato, hold the onion, hold the avocado, hold the cheese. Just hold all the f-*&$^* flavor. Thank you.
As soon as my plate of iceburg lettuce and flacid boiled shrimp arrive and the waiter leaves, the Crazy Purse Lady in Reverse tm (with retractable hand and piercing whine!) is put into action. I reach for my bag, grab for my tortilla chips (not fried in canola) crush them up and chuck them on my plate. Ignoring the jeers and laughter of my dining companions, smug with their sour cream and carne asada, I reach in my bag for more. Out comes some green olives (not marinated in vinegar - most types have brewer's yeast in it) BAM! they go on. Then, for the dressing... a bit of sea salt and then out comes a little eye dropper of extra virgin olive oil (not to be found at a mexican restaurant) and a squeeze of lime.
The waiter comes back, looks at my plate, looks away and then does the most classic double-take: "Oh!" he says, "that looks beeery nice!" and silently laughs at the crazy gringa freak and her green olives.
To purchase your very own Crazy Purse Lady in Reverse tm, send me an email. Included in the purchase price:
1. Mini eye-dropper filled with high quality olive oils.
2. Emergency rice bars to stave off the hangries.
3. Wallet-sized list of foods you can't eat.
4. Airplane bottles of Hornitos.
5. Limited edition Freak Flag
at 2:00 PM